I have exams coming up next week and I feel unprepared. It’s not that I haven’t been revising (I’ve been revising like there’s no tomorrow!) it is just that I never feel like I’ve made myself good enough to take the exam. Part of the problem is the pressure I put on myself. I don’t just want to pass, I want to pass well.
I make things worse by comparing myself to other people. There’s always that person who doesn’t seem to have to study at all and yet they always pass with flying colours. But it’s unfair to compare my revision strategies to there’s and judge myself as wanting because of it when we have minds that attain information differently. I know that, yet I still compare. I should be concentrating on myself and what I need to do to achieve my goals.
But then comes the other problem: focus. I find myself getting distracted all too easily, even in an empty room. To be fair to myself sometimes I am sitting there thinking about concepts and ideas that are relevant to my exam. But I feel like I should be doing something active like taking notes so I have something to show for it, as if I need to evidence my learning that way. But the whole point of exams is that the exams themselves are where I evidence my learning. Nobody is going to look through my revision notes and judge me on them. It’s what is inside my head and how I get it out on paper on that one particular day that counts. Again, I know that and yet I put pressure on myself to produce pages of notes that aren’t necessarily helping because I’m not sure that is how I learn and remember stuff.
One of my teachers said that the best way to get good marks is to enjoy your subject because that way your excitement about what you’re writing about (my exams are all essay based, by the way) will show through. I do enjoy my subject when I’m writing an essay over the course of a few weeks and I get good marks for them, but there’s something about exam conditions that sucks out my enthusiasm.
When it comes to exams I am my own worst enemy. If I could get over the stress, I know I could achieve the grades I want with relative ease.
I lack confidence in my own abilities but I need to get over it somehow. I can have so much fun after next week. I’ve got my birthday to look forward to, a puppy to hug, books to read (The Assassin’s Blade :D) and games (DanganRonpa, anybody?) to play. From now on I don’t want to dwell on ideas of failure or sadness. I want to be more, well, fearless and do my best.