*This is a short life update interlude. Normal bookish posts will resume shortly.
The last few months have been difficult. Mostly because was I extremely conscious of the fact my job contract was coming to an end in September 2017.
I first got this job in July 2015. I was so happy to finally have something after being jobless for six months. I felt like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. It was only a temporary contract, though. But when my twelve months was almost up they advertised my position again with a higher salary. I applied and got awarded the job (again) in August 2016, a few days before my birthday. But again, it was only temporary.
Fast forward to the last few months and I really thought I wouldn't get a third chance at continuing at my job and I was getting pretty panicked about it. It's been my safety blanket for two years and I honestly didn't know what to do without it. I also hate applying for jobs and going for interviews because getting analysed and and rejected over and over does a mighty number on my self esteem, as I'm sure is pretty common among job hunters.
But then on Friday I got offered my job permanently. No interview, or application required. I haven't felt so relieved in a long time although the heavy knot in my heart still seems to be there, I'm not sure I can quite believe what's happened yet. But next week I'll get the contract in the post and then it will be very real.
Now I finally feel safe. Like I can afford to have fun and live my life properly knowing I've got this secure income. Sure, I can still apply for other jobs if something interesting comes up but it won't be the end of the world if I don't get offered anything.
I do like this job and I like to think I'm relatively good at it. I'm happy to be able to keep doing it. But more importantly, another layer of relief to all of this is that my life is stable for the first time in really ever.
Growing up my family never stayed in one place for more than three years, we moved from country to country. It was exciting but I never felt anchored anywhere. But now here I am with something permanent in my life. I can't describe how strange that feels. How new it is as a concept to me compared to what I've experienced in life so far.